For those of us just joining the story, your humble narrator is joining the 2015 class of hipsters in Brooklyn New York. He has his outfit. He borrowed a bike. He borrowed an apartment.
The airplane company has really upped the ante: they put on a soundstage musical to meet the requirements. It was entertaining, but I had seen it before and popped open my laptop to continue what I was writing. It was a game. A 21st century parlor game called “Ballsdeep In The Facebook”. I had conceived the game with my ex-girlfriend while staying with her while we were both between cruise contracts. She lived with her surrogate family, as many musicians do. One of her surrogate family was a programer of social media. He and I had had an in depth clan credential session the night before, so I suppose I was still thinking along those lines when I said,
Why don’t we invent a game? Give me your phone.
Girlfriend and I were not connected on the social media because I had had quite enough of that sort of thing, but I did want to play with it like a toy for my own pleasure. So I invented this game. We played the first ever game together, there on the couch, she had my phone and I had hers.
Seven months later I was visiting Paige’s house in San Francisco for New Years Eve. She wasn’t there. She was always rushing off to pet farm animals in some other part of the world. Since she wasn’t there I made her a nice gift - a card that I put on her bedroom mirror. On new years day, while waiting for my plane to New York, I thought she might like a copy of the rules for Ballsdeep In The Facebook. So I wrote it out on my laptop on her couch. I credited Elyse, my ex-girlfriend, in the subtitle. I printed it, drew some color markers on it in circles representing the connections the game was made of, and slipped it into the envelope.
By the time the plane was half way to NYC, I had finished the final draft. I took Elyse’s name off the subtitle.
Next stop, Michael’s loft in Bushwick, where I would find his beautiful little world, still very much like the one I had known in Seattle, 10 years ago.
the rules for
BALLS DEEP IN THE FACEBOOK, a 21st Century Parlor Game
by D. Wayne
“I couldn’t figure out even the littlest reason to paint a picture like that.” - M.T. Anderson, Feed
Balls Deep In the Facebook - the fun party drinking game combining your mildly interesting social internet with the sex life of your present company. Browsing and sexy socializing in meatspace AT THE SAME TIME - hooray!
To talk about others and drink.
// TWO PLAYER MODE
Setup: The couple exchanges their mobile devices and load FB timeline view.
Turn based Gameplay proceeds as follows:
1. Someone goest first, that person is the Turn Player. The Turn Player will Show-And-Tell a “Game-Pertinent Feed Item” from the Feed Owner’s FB Feed by reading it aloud and then showing its media. GPFIs are non-advertisement non-video non-clickbait status updates from a non familial individual. GPFIs are read in the order your FeedCorp deems appropriate. Picking and choosing is meg against the rules.
Turn Player (Player A) reads aloud the next item on Feed Owner (Player B)’s Feed: “So-And-So says: ‘Celebrating with my besties!! Cocktails at Mason & Cask. Best night out ever!’” Picture is shown.
2. Next, the Feed Owner will Respond by saying three (3) things about So-And-So.
Feed Owner responds: “So-And-So and I went to college together in Oregon, she plays short stop on our kick ball league, she likes hoppy beers.”
3. Turn Player may choose to then say that they believe Feed Owner has had sex with So-and-So by Accusing them. If Feed Owner did, they drink, if not, Turn Player drinks.
Turn Player: “Look at that beard. Totally your type. You guys so diiiiiiid iiiiiiiiiiit”.
Feed Owner: “We sure did do it, look at that sexy man. His beard was so soft, I think he told me once he would like, rub oil in it or something.” Feed Owner takes a drink.
4. Next turn, roles reverse.
Play continues until make-out-session and/or players’ networks have been sufficiently been squeezed.
// GROUP MODE
Setup: Best in groups smaller than eight players. The group makes a circle and passes their mobile devices to the left hand side and load FB timeline view.
Turn based Gameplay proceeds as in Two Player Mode. Turns move left around the circle. At the start of each round (one revolution, ie. everyone has had one turn, two turns, etc.) the devices are again passed to the left.
Devices are placed face down by everyone except the Turn Player.
Anyone in the group can Accuse. Play continues until inebriation.
During a verbose Show-And-Tell the group can vote the GPFI to be a Good Rant or a Bad Rant by thumbs up thumbs down. The Feed Owner does not vote. If the vote is unanimously for bad, the turn ends and the Feed Owner drinks. If the vote is unanimously good, Turn Player drinks.
A Feed Owner may Take A Pass (possibly because they do not remember So-And-So) but must drink. When this happens the turn continues and Turn Player then reads the next GPFI.
Strive for quality attention on your turn, after all it is your turn.
Have good etiquette! Pay attention to the group discussion thread as it will investigate the juicy details of the connections. Wait to begin your Show-And-Tell until the entire group is ready. After all, this is a parlor game.
Take the game to another level! Similar to wild cards in playing card games, certain kinds of Game-Pertinent Feed Items can be given special significance. Said another way, a GPFI can be redefined to include or exclude certain sorts of Feed media, and/or ascribed special rules.
If the GPFI is a picture of a cat, Feed Owner drinks.
If the GPFI is a picture of a dog, Turn Player picks someone to drink.
If the GPFI is a group party selfie deemed “too cool” by the Turn Player, the party posts a group selfie en masse on all Feeds tagged #ballsdeepintheFB.
Videos are allowed during the third round; If the GPFI is a video, all drink and watch the video.
If the GPFI is food and beverage porn, all drink.
Of course there are more mods, so, as always, please use your imagination and run experiments.